The Indian Lift Etiquette

Random observations from travelling about a million floors up and down elevators in India.
1. Enter first and stand up front close to the buttons. This is a prime spot and is best for hopping out at your floor easily. It doesn't matter if you block other people from entering. Just stare at them if they try to squeeze past. Do the same when people behind you need to get off. Don't budge an inch. As Sheldon says, " This is my spot". When people reach across you to push a button give them dirt looks. They don't have manners.
2. Press both the up and down buttons when waiting at a floor. This will bring the lift to your floor quickly.
3. Press the lift call button multiple times. This activates the superspeed plugin in the elevator and magically brings it to your floor.
4. Hit the door close button as soon as you enter the lift. If you see a person hurrying to make it to the lift, hit the close button multiple times to speed up the door closing and graciously allowing the person to miss the lift. After all, wasting a few seconds of your time is worse than the few minutes you waste of his time.
5. As soon as the lift reaches your floor, hit the door open button. It's best not to leave things to chance in case the door forgets to open.
6. You know that your mobile signal drops when you are in the lift. However it is essential to call someone and shout out "Hello.... Hello..... I can't hear you. I'm in the lift...... Helloooo.... Signal is not clear...... I will call you once I get out of the lift..... Helloooo.....". Make a few exasperated proclamations. The point is to let the other person know that you are rich enough and busy enough to travel in an elevator. Don't bother to call him later.
7. The elevator is a good place to search your pockets and wallet for papers, receipts, stubs and other little things you don't need. Its a great place to drop off what you don't need. Some random person cleans the lift regularly and hence its good to ensure he has something to clean.
8. If you are behind someone when the lift arrives at your floor, the best plan of action to ensure a successful evacuation is to push this person aside and make a grand exit. Requesting him to move works only 99.99% of the time. It's not worth taking that 0.01% risk.
What has been your experience? This is a somewhat exaggerated, slightly sarcastic write up..... maybe. . . . . .