Lessons from FIFA world cup, 2018

All this world cup football watching finally influenced my life. I was walking down the road and a person brushed past me. As he apologised, I threw myself to the ground, did a double flip, rolled around clutching my knees and looked for the referee. #WorldCup #football #funny

https://twitter.com/cerebralsynapse/status/1014064852640280576

How parenting has changed

Black bucks

With the recent demonetization of Rs. 500 and Rs. 1000 notes by the Indian government, celebrities have been quite silent.
However Salman Khan has finally broken the silence.
"I do not have any black money hidden..... just black bucks"

Almost punny

My girlfriend, who is a dentist, ditched me today and hurt my fillings.

Diamond in a coffee

http://my-coffee-art.tumblr.com/post/101000482017/diamond-my-wife-complained-that-i-never-gave-her

Racist

I'm not racist. The last time I tried being a racist was twenty years ago when I was  a student. I came sixth in a mini marathon and participated in the decathlon just for the heck of it. Don't remember participating in any race after that. I'm definitely not racist.

Wedding anniversary

So I was attending the 50th anniversary celebration of a couple and it was a fun time. One of the persons who spoke said, "When he got married he thought that his life would be complete. Instead his life was finished. And after 50 years he is completely finished".
And the best part was they both laughed and enjoyed this humor. No wonder they have lived happily together for 50 years. Bless them.

UFO

http://my-coffee-art.tumblr.com/post/106070280062/ufo-i-never-really-believed-in-anything-extra

Know your hymns

As a 'modern' Christian, I still love hymns. Thats why this message from my friend meant a lot to me.

*Do you know your hymns?*

Dentist's Hymn
- Crown Him with Many Crowns
     
Weatherman's Hymn
- There Shall Be Showers of Blessings    

Contractor's Hymn
- The Church's One Foundation  
 
The Tailor's Hymn
- Holy, Holy, Holy 
  
The Golfer's Hymn
- There's a Green Hill Far Away
   
The Politician's Hymn
- Standing on the Promises 
  
Optometrist's Hymn
- Open My Eyes That I Might See
   
The IRS Agent's Hymn
- I Surrender All    

The Gossip's Hymn
- Pass It On    

The Electrician's Hymn
- Send The Light    

The Shopper's Hymn
- Sweet Bye and Bye    

The Realtor's Hymn
- I've Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop   

The Massage Therapist's Hymn
- He Touched Me    

The Doctor's Hymn
- The Great Physician    

AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:   

80km/h - God Will Take Care of You  
105 km/h - Nearer My God To Thee  
140 km/h - This World Is Not My Home  
165 km/h - Lord, I'm Coming Home  
200 km/h - Precious Memories

My handwriting!

I've always been criticised for my bad handwriting. It leaves me depressed and disappointed. Thankfully I saw this fact that encouraged me!

Three

http://my-coffee-art.tumblr.com/post/100573226402/the-answer-is-three-my-son-asked-me-what-2-1-was

English classes

Would you enrol for the English classes advertised in this text message? If you do call them up, let me know how things pan out! 

Ebay seller of the year

I was looking to buy some cables on ebay and came across this seller. Ass trading didn't just sound right. I'll need to get to the bottom of why the seller is called this. Butt I'll probably never find out!

Australian Made

Aussies are very proud of everything they manufacture and make sure they put an Australia Made logo on evrything they make. That is probably why they made sure this cigarette butt disposal bin was appropriately labelled.
Aussies also have an amazing sense of humour - usually intentional.
Maybe thats why the label ended up reading "Australian Made BUTTS ONLY".
I'll leave you to interpret this.

Dishwasher CD

At first glance this looks like the usual listing for a dishwasher tablet. But a closer look reveals that the format is an Audio CD! That must be some squeaky clean music. Oh the fun that wrong categorisation on mazon creates. Entertained me for 10 full seconds. I took another 10 seconds to take the screenshot and a further 30 seconds to blog it. It will entertain you for about 15 seconds. Spread the word and entertain the world!